Holding Back

One of my children is in a difficult time in her life. Seems as though the minute she gets it all together she either does something without thought to unravel it again or the universe decides that her world was far to calm and unravels it for her.

Sadly, there is a wealth of journaling information in her plight and the interaction with my life, but she's in the midst of so many legal issues, that I don't feel comfortable airing my feelings in a public forum. You never know who is lurking.

Suffice it to say that there are a few people in her world who are very ugly and mean spirited, and while she's not a perfect person (who is?) I'm proud of her for what she doesn't do at times. She does not bad mouth her children's father in front of them. She doesn't fill their tiny heads with negativity towards their father. She doesn't discourage their relationship with him. She doesn't keep their extended family from them. She doesn't purposefully plant booby traps to make his life difficult. That means that I raised a person with a kind heart, a sensitivity towards her children and a keen sense of respect for them. Too bad other families don't raise their children that way.

Senseless Mutterings

My youngest daughter brought home a coupon the other day for the circus, and in her normal way of not asking, asked if we could go. I jumped on the subtlety of the invitation! I haven't been to the circus in years! Frank reminded me that in the beginning of our relationship, we had taken Heather (the eldest) to the circus. When we had gotten home to my parents house, where I was still living at the time, I made some hot dogs and salad for dinner. (with the thought process that I couldn't burn salad and thus make a good impression on Frank) Heather wanted ketchup on her hot dog so I turned the bottle upside down and swung it in a fierce arc to force the ketchup to the top. Little did I realize that the lid had not been secure and the next thing I know there is a wide arc of ketchup from my mothers ceiling, across Heather in her high chair, and all across the wall to the floor. Frank was quite impressed by that. I won't even go into how my salad got into my glass of milk!

My job has been hopping lately. I have recruitment packages to make and mail- anyone want to help stuff 1000+ envelopes!!- and we are gearing up for two spring concerts, one performance with the Baltimore Choral Arts and a performance at the Meyerhoff, plus some of the students will be in the Baltimore Opera Company's production of Tosca. And for my next trick, I shall balance the bowling ball on my nose while trying to get the last bit of ketchup out of the bottle....

I went shopping today for items to help a friend plan for a pair of baby showers. One theme gave me some troubles and nothing in the stores sang to me. The other theme wouldn't shut up! Oddly enough, this imitates the mother's to be. One is quiet and the other is rather boisterous. Now if I can come in under budget, then all will be well.

Hey, I warned you in the beginning that these were senseless mutterings...

Redhead and Grammy

I had an interesting dream this morning. I woke up about 4 am from my first dream in which a red headed young man felt he had done something so terrible to someone else, he needed to punish himself. He took a long spike and drove it through his foot, screaming in pain. The next scene was of the Dr.'s telling him he'd be fine but the young man was depressed.

I was awake for a short time and then when I fell back to sleep, I dreamed that my husband was in our house (not our real house and not my parents house) and I was staying across the street in a little hotel room. There wasn't anything wrong, I was just working in that room. I didn't have any bad feelings or troubling issues with Frank. He was in the house and I told him I'd be right back. I went across a street that wasn't busy with traffic and past some deep green pines to a hotel room hidden in the trees. As I went by a young man called out to me saying something about a wooden foot. I didn't really pay attention to the fact that it was the same guy from the earlier dream.

The room was white, but had a used air about it. I had a desk, looking out a window and a bed in the room. I had work on the desk. I was working on some photographs or a magazine layout of some kind. I also had a backpack, my cell phone and some keys in the room. When I walked in, I noticed Frank's Grandmother sitting on my bed. (She's been gone for over 10 years now and when we cleaned her room, found some writings where she made it clear that she wasn't too fond of me!) I was surprised to see Grammy. I asked her if she wanted to see Frank and she said yes. She seemed very excited and anxious to get to him. I said I could take her to him, he was just across the street. She said it wouldn't matter because he wouldn't be able to see her, only I could. I told her that even if that was the case, she'd be able to see him and I'd tell him she was there. She said she only had about 4-5 hours. I started gathering things to go back across the street when I noticed the same red headed young man sitting at my desk, looking at my bottle of water. (I always have water with me to drink) He was examining it as if it were a foreign object and he mentioned the color blue. I asked him if he wanted a bottle of water and he said yes. Then he started acting even more erratic and began touching all of my items, including messing up my work. I was very upset and asked him to stop and eventually told him he had to leave. Grammy was getting agitated because she wanted to go to Frank. Once the young man left the room, I started looking for my stuff to leave. I couldn't find my cell phone to call Frank and I couldn't find my keys to get across the street. I looked out the window of my hotel room and the redhead was standing near a pole and waving something that was pointy (shaped like and E with the middle piece missing ) over his head while he laughed and talked to someone on my cell phone. I tried using the hotel phone, but couldn't figure out how to dial it (not uncommon in dreams).

I woke up with the feeling that I needed to call Frank and tell him his Grammy wanted to talk to him - which weirded him out of course!

That redheaded guy bugged me though. I get the same feeling he was that nasty guy from another dream or two, some of my more vivid and disturbing ones. Just something about him that's not quite right.

I wonder

My previous blog entry talked about my dream in which Grammy only had a few hours to talk to Frank. Frank used to drive tractor trailers for a living, before being elevated to the ranks of manglement. (management) Now he's rarely on the road. This morning, however, he had to take a run up to Salem, New Jersey. He was running late and I called to tell him what my dream had been as soon as I woke up. That was around 6:30am.

I had promised a friend that I would take her to her Dr.'s appointment right at Reisterstown Road. For those of you who are out of town, there was a huge accident right at that exit. I was earlier than usual in picking her up and we made it into the parking lot and were walking into the building when we heard fire equipment. The accident happened approximately 9:45-10:00 am.
Frank came upon the whole mess shortly thereafter. Kind of interesting how that's just shy of about 4 hours later, isn't it?

Thanks, Grammy.

Princess Lillianna

Need I say more?

Birthday Boy

Today is number 3 child's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Sean! Sean came into this world with a bang. Not only was he the biggest baby I had, and in truth the biggest in the nursery while I was there, but he also brought a blizzard with him that ended up keeping me in the hospital an extra day and stranding some of my room mates as well. Sean is excitement, action and movement. He is funny and smart and handsome. He's a responsible young man whom I'm very proud of. Big hugs from Mom, son.
It's been quite a few days and I'm trying to recover. Just haven't really had an opportunity to write a 'real' blog yet, but believe me, there is plenty of subject matter. You will just have to wait, with baited breath. (as if...)

Off We Go

We get to visit with our granddaughters this weekend. It's Lillianna's first birthday. To be sure, I'll have lovely cake smashing photos to share when I get back.